Today is better than yesterday!

(Written April 5th)

I love getting little reminders from the Universe through other people that I’m amazing and inspirational. Especially on days when I feel like I don’t know up from down.

Also, unrelated; but it’s incredibly hard to get a reaction out of someone who doesn’t care. That’s how I feel at work lol. I had already mentally checked out but since yesterday I’m in fuck it mode. I know I gotta reel it in and care a LITTLE but it’ll be hard lol. All I’m focused on is making sure I have several strong safety nets in place for when my job situation ends in a few weeks.

I wrote that ^ at work a few hours ago. My best friend J just texted me with an opportunity to stabilize myself. I’m so grateful for her. She reminds me to pay it forward when I can and be a blessing to others. She also reminds me to be patient with people. πŸ’žπŸ’ž

Next week I’ll be going to a few job fairs with on site interviews, so I’m taking off work for that. Boss lady said I can use PTO, but to be honest, I don’t even know if I have any?! πŸ˜«πŸ˜‚πŸ§πŸ€”

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Rude awakening

Today I found out I won’t be continuing at my job after my contract ends. To say the least, I was stunned. I thought they were going to keep me on! When the HR lady asked if I had any questions, I said nope. No need to ask if they’ve already made their decision.

I was already unhappy with my hours being so long and my schedule being erratic. A few months ago, I told myself “I have got to get out here. I need to focus on what I love and work for myself.” My doula certification is in a few months, and I already wanted to immerse myself in that world. I also plan to travel and see other parts of the world.

It’s weird but I kinda felt relieved, although the process was happening much faster than I’d planned.

I called my mom and she said “you’re like a cat. You always land on your feet.” That was the perfect encouragement in that moment, particularly because I knew she was right. I know things always have a way of falling into place in my life, I’m just curious about the shape things will take in the next six weeks.

Thank God I have a vacation on the horizon. I’ll definitely need a beautiful escape.

Digital Electronical Social Sabbatical

Hello lovelies,

It’s been awhile! My distance here was intentional and I’m excited to share that I’m officially on a social media hiatus. I don’t think blogging counts per se, since I’m using this primarily as a journaling tool, then as a public discussion platform.

I’ve had Facebook since 2005… Wow. Thirteen years of pictures, videos, and words. I joined Twitter in 2009, Tumblr in 2010, Instagram in 2012, and Snapchat in 2014.

THAT’S A LOT OF COTDAMB INFORMATION.

So I guess this break was looong overdue, hmm? In my mind, being on social media is like sitting in jury duty waiting for your number to be called, and you can’t ever go to the quiet room. Some people are talking, some are singing, some are cussing, some say very little, some are arguing. It takes real work to mute out or decrease the volume silence all those voices, those opinions, those discussions. I’ve been on there so long, I didn’t realize I’d never intentionally been away from my page for a considerable amount of time.

Yesterday began a new month, and with 23 days and counting until I bask in the St. Thomas sun, I figured my social media vacation could start before my physical one. I deleted all my apps and only have the WordPress active. I also downloaded DuoLingo and began learning French. πŸ‡«πŸ‡·

I’ll definitely be meditating more with all this quiet time as well as getting a reiki session (energy healing). This will be an emotional cleanup and vacation of sorts.

This past weekend was very restful, love filled, and full of introspective moments. I’ll be journaling every day the rest of the month, even if it’s an iNote. Oh and I blow dried my hair so here are some pictures until she gets braided again.

😘 Mr. Huff and I look like we’re in some crunchy, granola type 70’s noir romance film (did I just describe my ideal movie??! πŸ€”). 🌸🌻🌞πŸ”₯

 

The dating scene throughout history: A humorous synopsis

Y’all really think dating is so tough in 2018, huh?

Let’s step back in history and see how the political/economical climates may one-up this current time.

1) The good ole Great Depression: If you thought that young lady you saw in the market was gorgeous, you couldn’t afford to even look her in the eye cuz you knew you’d be in line sun up to sundown ALL week tryna get a job. Ya ass was broke phiiii broke. YOU AIN’T GOT IT!

NEXT! βœ…

2) The Civil War Era: This should be self-explanatory but… Let’s say you AREN’T a slave, or a free Negro. You’re not Black at all; but the man with the fancy stagecoach and perfectly groomed horses just so happens to be a Confederate soldier. You can’t bring him home to your Union daddy and brothers now, can you?

NEXT! βœ…

3) World War 2: It’s bad enough the country is at war with so many other nations, but now the sweet school teacher you’ve been winking at all week will have to wait hopefully until you return from your tour of duty. Why? Cuz the draft went into effect from 1940-1973 and your ass is eligible.

NEXT! βœ…

4) The Black Death: Also known as the plague, this wiped out 60% of Europe’s population in the mid 1300s. So that cute guy you saw leading the herd of goats through the marketplace probably gonna die by Saturday. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€§πŸ˜¬πŸ€•

NEXT! βœ…

5) The Crack Era/Reaganomics: As you should know, during the late 1980’s, cocaine was disproportionately shoveled into low-income neighborhoods, where the residents were predominantly black. Your mcm was an aspiring writer and poet, and yeah he had free will, but he took one hit of that ready rock and got caught up in the life. He’s either dead or in jail by now. So are his friends.

NEXT! βœ…

I said all of this to say people have persevered through unimaginable horrors throughout time. Life (and the dating scene) is what YOU make it. Stop crying about how social media is ruining things and get out there. πŸ’•πŸ—£

Dental work and self love

Yesterday I braved my way to my dentist’s office; stomach in knots, worried about the needles, and most importantly, how hideous I’d look afterward. To my surprise, she got the anesthesia in without a hitch!

Apparently there are two types used during the procedure; one has epinephrine (a stimulant), the other doesn’t. So she inserts the non-epi drug into my semi-numb gums first then the next drug. When I tell y’all that method made a WORLD of a difference!!! The epi drug is the one that gives that tingling burst sensation in the gums upon insertion. Since she does that one last, my gums are already numb from the first drug so I couldn’t really feel it.πŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ’žπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ€§πŸ€§

Two hours, three fillings and a crown mold later, I was all set! And what made it better was the fact that she let me play my own music so I wouldn’t hear the drilling as much. I love that my dentist is a Black woman with natural hair. Representation matters, especially in healthcare.

I definitely need to cut back on my sugar intake cuz I already have four more fillings scheduled. πŸ˜©πŸ™ˆ

In less painful news, my friend and I booked our flights to St. Thomas for Carnival in April!! βœˆοΈπŸ›©πŸŠπŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ§šπŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸπŸ–β›±It’ll be my second time playing mas, and I can’t wait to pick our costumes. I’ve been working 60-75 hours a week lately since we’re short staffed and one of my coworkers died a month ago. At first when she gave me the trip dates, I was like “daaag I can’t take all those days off work!” but I quickly dismissed that thought.

I DESERVE. And not just cuz I’m working like crazy, but I deserve to go to the beach, dress up in beautiful clothes, dance, eat, and drink with hundreds of beautiful people cuz that’s the kind of stuff I enjoy. Also, since I didn’t make it to Puerto Rico for my birthday in September, I’ve been salty about not making it to the beach.

I think self love is whatever is healthy for you that you choose to engage in on whatever basis you like. It doesn’t have to be some grandiose spa trip with all the frills. Self love for me is definitely on a spectrum. I can spend my evening in silence with hot tea, animal crackers, and incense burning, or I can hop the next plane smoking to Miami for a weekend. Either way, I gotta remind myself to do things I enjoy because I wanna do them.

I can’t remember where I saw this message, but to paraphrase…

Don’t always save up things for the perfect time. Do them now. Enjoy things now. That dress you wanna wear for that wedding in the summer? Wear it next weekend! That recipe you saw on Pinterest that wanna try for your friend’s birthday? Cook it tonight! That poem you were gonna recite for the big poetry night? Do it impromptu in front of your friends.

I’m not saying don’t anticipate your big moments, just don’t get so caught up in timing being right that you miss out on the essence of that thing itself.

All For Love… A Series

The day I found love

It was freshman year of college. I was sitting in my dorm room, shooting the breeze with my roommate when she mentioned that her cousin would be stopping by to visit. I really didn’t think much of it. But when the door opened and my head turned – there stood Love!

(Without sounding cliche) there was a ring of light surrounding her, and at that moment I knew we were connected. That moment also had me fumbling words and I rarely do that. I improvised and blurred, β€œI like your sneakers”, but my heart was saying so much more. I almost instantly walked away, but not without having a story that would last forever. That love has long faded but nostalgia frequently reminds me of the day I found Love.

– Latoya Nickee