Returning as a changed woman

I haven’t posted on here in months. A lot has changed. Some great, some bittersweet. All of it necessary though.

I went to St. Thomas for Carnival and felt invigorated, only to return to a crumbling relationship; the end of which made me want to go right back on vacation. I immediately contacted the travel recruiters for medical technologists I used to be in touch with, updated my profile, and began looking up cities that I could call my next home.

My contract at work was up the following week, and my apartment lease was for the end of June. Everything was falling apart/ending , only to make me prepare to rebuild/restabilize…..

Well, my work contract got extended (twice!), I didn’t pass the ASCP exam (which I’m about to reschedule), and my sister Faith had her baby. So yeah moving away wasn’t in my best interests in the short time that I’d decided but it’s still on the table.

What makes me say that is my experience in New Orleans. I randomly decided to go while at work one day in late May. Something was calling me about that city, and I’d been wanting to go for years. Not just for Essence or Mardi Gras, but to experience the culture. I have several associates and friends who live there so I was quick to ask for recommendations. I booked a relatively cheap flight ($162!), and skipped my happy ass there from June 14-17.

A homegirl I went to Morgan with lives there and let me to crash at her place. I was ecstatic! But I also wanted alone time, so I booked an Airbnb for the remainder of my trip. Soooo much happened in the four days I was there; I’ll make a separate post just for that trip. But I can see myself living there… Like for real. I got my palm read in the French Market and babbyyy when I tell you I slid out of my chair at the accuracy of the messages! Thank you to Michelle, the palm reader. I also met someone my last night there. The way our paths crossed is something out of a romance movie but again, that’s for another post, another time. Just know that I’ve been beaming ever since!

Toward the end of June, I completed my doula training and am now a full circle birth worker! You can read more about my training here. I cried my eyes out when I got my certificate. It was such an emotional moment, and my sister Faith got to be part of my training, since we had a blessing way for her and my nephew Xavier.

I also went to Baltimore’s Carnival in July, and the guy I met in NOLA was there too (part of how we hit it off)! My friends and I played DC Mud Mas which was A LOT of fun. I definitely gotta do that again. And there were parties leading up to the parade as well. Since my mom discovered we’re Haitian on her dad’s side, I’m doing what I can to immerse myself in Caribbean culture.

On a sad note, my friend Ciera’s mom passed after a lengthy battle with cancer. She took NO shit from anyone and I love that about her. May she rest in power.

Finally, on a high note, my sister Faith had her baby August 1st at 5:02 pm. She labored for awhile and went without medicine as long as she could, but ended up getting a C-section because she wasn’t dilated enough. Xavier has the sweetest little face and I am so proud of my sister for her hard work!

Whewww that was a lot! I won’t stay away so long ever again. Thanks for reading and I’ll be back with more updates soon. 😘

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The audacity of love

There are actually a lot of people in this world who don’t believe they’ll ever be in love. Like ever. This is not the same as having loved and lost said love. There are humans on this fascinating planet who don’t think they’ll ever meet someone who will make their heart sing, someone who’d they’d go to the ends of the earth and back for.

And I’m over here like…HOW?! 🤯🧐🤔😳

I guess cuz when it comes to love, I’m an eternal optimist who makes no apologies or concessions when it comes to the infinite possibilities of love one can have.

Notice I didn’t say anything regarding marriage. Marriage AIN’T for everybody. I do believe there is truly someone for everyone, and while our life paths are filled with twists, turns, valleys, and peaks, I am fully convinced that we all have innumerable opportunities to share our hearts with someone else. It might be brief. It might be until one of you dies; either way, I think it can happen for everyone.

Sometimes writing these thoughts out makes me wonder if people think I live in a fairytale. I’m sure there are some who do, and to them I say “Being in love should be magical. It should be beautiful. It should make you wanna extend yourself. It should give you constant glimmers of hope. It should be something everyone here has the joy to experience.”

I know loving someone and being in love with them are two different things. I guess the meat of my statements could boil down to this: All of us serve unique purposes on earth, and I hope you find some one (or several people) along the way to share your heart with.

All For Love… A Series

The day I found love

It was freshman year of college. I was sitting in my dorm room, shooting the breeze with my roommate when she mentioned that her cousin would be stopping by to visit. I really didn’t think much of it. But when the door opened and my head turned – there stood Love!

(Without sounding cliche) there was a ring of light surrounding her, and at that moment I knew we were connected. That moment also had me fumbling words and I rarely do that. I improvised and blurred, “I like your sneakers”, but my heart was saying so much more. I almost instantly walked away, but not without having a story that would last forever. That love has long faded but nostalgia frequently reminds me of the day I found Love.

– Latoya Nickee

When a meme is your reality…

I saw this on ig and immediately swooned!! 😍 😍 🙌🏾 👏🏾 ✨ ⚡️ 🤤🤧If your partner could wear the words you say about them, what would it look like? Too often, we say things without considering the consequences or the impact they may have.A committed, exclusive romantic relationship can be a beautiful, fulfilling thing. What things do you say to your partner? How do you build each other up? How do you quiet their insecurities (cuz we all got em)? How do you maintain that spark that drew you to them in the first place?The things you say to your partner about them in their relation to you have a tremendous effect on your relationship itself. Of course you love them, you’re in love with them… But how do you verbally express those things?I do believe love is a verb, an action; but those actions gotta be backed up with words, expressions of said love.If this is something you’re having difficulties with, write down some things you’d like to hear about yourself, then try saying them to your partner. Write things that you notice about your partner that are particularly impressive or heart-warming. Make note of when you see these things being exhibited and say something immediately to your love.Does your girlfriend take extra care when making your favorite dish, cooking it just the way you like? Tell her you love the way she pays attention to detail. Does your husband always leave your slippers by the bathroom door when you’re getting in the shower? Tell him how sweet you think he is for thinking about your comfort.I’d love to hear y’all feedback on this and follow up stories if you wanna share.✨🤗💞

All For Love… A Series

I wrote this back in July, just before I started talking to who is now my boyfriend.

The men you find on dating sites:
• The “toe-dipper”
This is the man who doesn’t fully disclose who he is on the dating site. In other words, they’re putting their big toe in the pool to test the temperature. Famous line – “I just want to see what’s out there.”
• The “free-artist”
They’re looking for someone who can appreciate them, their art, free-spirit…and their polyamorus lifestyle. Also at times critical of your lifestyle.
• The “buddy-finder”
They’re looking for the female equivalent of their best friend. You’d have all the same interests, pretty much the same everything…except you’d have the vagina. This way he doesn’t have to change his life for you, and he can have it all.
• The “bruh”
They’re still doing that drinking thing. They’re also “living life to the fullest.”
• The “drama-free zone”
They state that they’ve been down this road before and they “don’t need no one”. You have to prove that you are somehow different than the last five bitches who stomped on his heart. *Hint* You’re not different, but you’re also not the problem. He’s also not going to change.
• The “traveler”
They’re town just for the weekend. They need someone to ‘show them around town.’ We all know what this means- let’s just say that he’s not into a long-term relationship.
• The “friend searcher”
…The name says it all.
• The “script-flipper”
This devious man is the one who seems to have it all. You believe that there is a genuine chance that this could be someone that you see yourself with. Then after a few conversations you start feeling as though you’re going crazy. He puts you down while laughing or makes a judgmental statement about you with a smile.
• The “mysterious man”
You have your work cut out for you…his famous line is the only one on his profile…”want to know anything, just ask.” He’s trying to come across as open and friendly. He’s actually being lazy (you have to do all the work initiating a conversation) and attention-seeking. Must be nice to have women constantly seem interested in you.
• The “I’ve Done It All” man.
This guy has traveled the world…twice. He speaks multiple languages and he has embraced every adventure from mountain climbing to sky diving to scuba diving. You are amazed at everything thing he has done so you message him hoping for a response. You hear nothing. It crosses your mind that maybe this person isn’t real after all.
• The “video gamer”
Potentially has a bat cave…they will also not give up their video games. They will however be mesmerized if you joined them in their video game obsession.

All For Love… A Series

I wrote this poem earlier this year about a situation I was going through. Here it goes…

She said

“I do not want to date you”

But every time we intertwine

The vibe is

“I can never leave you”

And the heart and the mind

are reset and that is lethal

and this game that we play

is like roulette

but the gun is see through

and her bullet goes through my heart

ricochets around

clearing out all the other people

unequal but equal

I wait for another round

the sequel or the prequel.

~MoMeant

All For Love… A Series

Running out of chances

In the back of my head, the idea that we all have only three loves in our lifetime has always permeated my thoughts. Maybe, it was hearsay, or maybe it was some truth. Up until a few years ago, I had only truly deeply loved two individuals.

My first love, was my college sweetheart, and that episode lasted for well over 10 years. There were break-ups, dishonesty from both parties, and the inability to never get on the same page. How it lasted so long, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe our stubbornness that couldn’t accept failure as an option, or the events that we shared together that were essential to our development as adults. We created a child together, and for that I am forever grateful, but the fire that created that child never was able to sustain us. Our ambition and success dragged the relationship out, because how could two talented people with sense fail so bad?

My second love was not after, or before my first, but at a time when we were not together. This person filled my spirit up with happiness and completion. I had never felt safer in a relationship, but I alone caused this one to fail. See, I was never in tune with her insecurity about my first love. She had never been in any serious relationships, and probably couldn’t grasp why I chose her over the first. I also didn’t clearly express to her how much I loved her or was willing to sacrifice for our future. I learned that my frustration with her insecurities and my habit of casting them off as silly, led to her to leave. So, when she left for good, it was too late. I didn’t cheat or even have a wandering eye, I just failed to have a beat on what her spirit needed from me. That love left me reeling and gasping for air. I thought I could not love a soul even more than that. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I was wrong.

My last love…she was on fire for me. She saw in me what I had blocked from seeing for myself because of all the things happening around me. I met her, and didn’t keep it honest with her for a long time. Holding the truth of a failed marriage I was still in, but separated from. Holding the truth of a child conceived in this failed marriage, initially. The failed marriage was from my first love and that was complicated. I had married my first love after my second love breaking up with me. Thinking wrongly, that I could instill the greatness of my second love into my first. Yes, messy, yes, all my fault. I was chasing what I really needed in something I knew I couldn’t have. When my emotional ties to my marriage was severed, I met Triple Trouble…that third love. She was a bit younger, super smart, and fiery. The mix of street and intelligent that I needed. She was my everything, but I could never communicate that with her. I had the burden of my past loves that made me unsure of this one. I wanted to give her the moon, but afraid that we would fail or that she would go off in the sunset. At each junction in the road, where a major decision for us was to be made…I hesitated, I blinked, I gasped for air. Could I take this leap and be ok?
Where I was risky with my first two, I was scared to jump in my third. She loved me with all her heart and I blinked when she needed me the most. The last time I blinked and opened my eyes, she was gone. Is she gone for good? I don’t know. But the thought of her gone has made breathing hurt, has made warm showers cold, and tears feel like glass coming down my face.

So, I am running out of chances. My reflection to myself is to never let fear run my life, run my love, and hamper me from pursuing happiness. I caused my pain because I didn’t learn lessons fast enough, change my damaging behaviors, and failed to embrace life’s obstacles by blinking. I will fix it, because never again will I let the person I love down. If I keep doing the same thing, I will definitely run out of chances of being with the person I am meant to be with.

– Domo